Friday, May 13, 2011

Bump/Mountain

So things have taken another turn. This time a bad turn. I will try and stay positive for this post but I’ll be honest over the past few days I have had some serious self pity and pessimistic thoughts. Sometimes it’s hard to remain positive when it’s the person I love more than anything or anyone in the world on the line. But the thing I always have to remember is that God and Jesus are all powerful and can truly work miracles. And that they love me and Shawn (and Lucas) so much.

So we went up to the hospital on Wednesday for a pre transplant check up to make sure everything is on track for it. We were greeted by some very unpleasant news. Shawn’s Leukemia came back inspite of all the chemo he has gotten just very recently. This was a big surprise for us because although we knew it would come back without the transplant we didn’t think ( and neither did the doctors quite frankly) it would be this fast and after such intense chemotherapy. So this puts a “bump” in the road to recovery as Shawn likes to call it. I call it a “mountain” but whatever. He is no longer in a state to get the transplant this month. I think that’s one of the hardest things to deal with because we were all so ready to start healing and the transplant was the beginning of that. It sorta feels like we are starting all over again. So now the plan is to give Shawn even more chemo, different stronger stuff to hopefully get him into a second remission. Second remissions are a little more difficult but the doctors are hopeful and assured us that it is very possible. The transplant is also “statistically” less successful in a second remission instead of the first. I would give you the actual numbers but if Shawn ever read this he would be upset with me, let’s just say they aren’t awesome numbers. But!!!!

The good news is that numbers mean nothing when you have the Lord on your side! Shawn received an amazing priesthood blessing from his Dad yesterday. In it we were all reminded of the miracles Heavenly Father can perform. It made me realize that although chances and statistics are not good, you can’t dwell on that because the Lord is going to take care of us. The best way that he knows how, which may seem too difficult at the time but I’m sure for some reason we needed to wait longer for his transplant or get this different chemo first. Shawn is as positive as ever and I’m sure if he was writing this post he would say that everything will be just fine and not to worry, we just had a small bump in the plan. Shawn continues to strengthen my testimony of Faith in the Lord. Just when I think I have it down, the Lord throws a curve ball at me to really test my Faith. I already decided a long time ago when we found out about his cancer that no matter the trial, or more specifically no matter the outcome of this trial I will remain faithful and not be angry at the Lord. This is harder to remember at times like these but I do remember it and recharge myself for upcoming mini trials.

So we started the chemo last night. This chemo is bright blue, looks like blue powerade. And it makes him pee green! ( too much detail?) So he will get chemo for about a week continuously and then it will be like the first time where we have to stay in the hospital for about a month and wait for his counts to first drop and then slowly return on their own. (Lots of no eating and throwing up in beween then) After that they check to make sure the leukemia didn’t return and if not they will go ahead with the transplant. Things should go a little smoother this time since we already have the donor lined up. So that’s the new plan, hopefully in the mean time he can get a little more strength and weight back before the transplant. It would also be nice for his neuropathy to start getting a little better and maybe getting him walking good again. (Hint hint… those are things I need some help praying for)

Well so you probably guessed it by now but Shawn will not be attending the benefit concert. We were all really bummed about that because I think it is going to be such an amazing night. But we are going to record it for him to show him later! I am still going, he wants me to be there to tell him all about it. Billy Dean came to the hospital yesterday to see Shawn. He was such a cool guy. Just really nice and chill, he talked to us and told Shawn to stay strong and kick this thing. That is the plan, kick this thing really hard

Thanks again everyone for all the prayers and support, and I will see you all tonight at the concert!!
P.S. baby Lucas is doing awesome, and pregnancy has been a breeze! They continue to change the due date because he is growing so fast and has such long legs thanks to his daddy.

1 comment:

Clayton Natalie Kynlee said...

Erin,
I went to school with Shawn and am so sorry that you guys are going through this right now. I know that there is a God and that he does answer our prayers. I pray that you guys will make it through this and Shawn will be able to be a great father to your son.
-Natalie (Dalton) Green